A person’s views on other people in comparison to themselves can be a curious thing. One could look at other people and think “oh wow, they have everything sorted out, why can’t I be like that”. It’s one of the reasons why people tend to wear figurative masks in public. They don’t want to disclose whatever doubts and fears they may be experiencing. It is the duck effect in its purest form: appearing to be content and well above water, but below the surface, the feet are working as hard as possible just to stay afloat.
I have encountered these insecurities since I was 12 years old. For a long time, I did nothing about it, as mental health wasn’t as widely discussed and so I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. The struggles I have encountered are those of general inadequacy: programming myself to believe that others are better than me. It also involves not talking to people as much. This in itself is not much of a bad thing – it’s not inherently wrong to be an introvert – but when it escalates, that’s when a problem emerges. If I see a group of people talking, I would tend not to interject myself into the conversation, even if the topic of conversation is something that interests me. This issue is more prevalent when the people that are talking are those that I consider to be well above me in terms of social standing – the “cool kids”, you might say. My general inferiority complex tells me that they have satisfactory company already, and that what I have to say simply isn’t worth their time. If there is a famous person in the vicinity that I would love to meet, my immediate reaction is nearly always “nah I won’t bother them – they have better things to do than talk to me, I’d just annoy them”. While I recognize that this is an awful mindset to have, it is how I’m wired, and I find it difficult to snap out of it.
I hope to overcome these issues and become a more self-confident person in general. I know I have much to offer, it’s just a question of being comfortable in my own skin.